2 weeks ago
Monday, May 08, 2006
I spent the day yesterday at the airforce base hospital, gathering with friends who are losing their sister/daughter/wife/mother to a rare, aggressively fast-moving form of cancer. Surrounded by the love and deep caring of her family, she lay in her hospital bed, near death. Her 3 young children were temporarily staying at the home of a relative, while her husband, father, sisters and friends rallied around her, taking shifts as her breathing became slower, more labored. I don't understand the reasons for death - why cancer or illness touches some like Faith, who was in top physical shape, healthy lifestyle, serving her country - wonderful person... while others who smoke, drink, are evil - whatever... just live to a ripe old age. I used to just accept this fact - knowing and believing that God's will is all that matters, whatever it is. Now I don't know that anymore. My own faith is shaken, splintered, and muddled. I can't even pray properly anymore - what to ask the Lord for is a mystery. SO much grief and sadness at losing one who you love so much. Why do we all have to die? Why be allowed to live, love each other, and then be crushed with grief at their loss? It can be too much to bear.