Friday, November 16, 2007


Resume

1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got
canned. I couldn't concentrate.


2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack
it, so they gave me the axe.

3. After that, I tried to be a Tailor, but I just wasn't suited for
it -- mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too
exhausting.

5. Then, I tried to be a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to
my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.

6. Next, I attempted to be a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it I
couldn't cut the mustard.

7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually I found I wasn't
noteworthy.

8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but I didn't have any
patience.


9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. I tried but I just didn't fit in.

10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't
live on my net income.


11. I managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company,
but the work was just too draining.


12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit
for the job
.

13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job
as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.

14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but I had to quit because it
was always the same old grind.

15. SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT AND FOUND
THAT I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!



We are not human beings going through a temporary spiritual experience.

We are spiritual beings going through a temporary human experience
.



19 comments:

Tai said...

LOL!! Those are GREAT!!

Tom & Icy said...

I love puns. But the last one (15) was retirement and job which I think is an oxymoron. I love them, too. That was fun.

photowannabe said...

Very punny T. I thoroughly enjoyed your post and I find I am perfect for retirement too.

ariel said...

I even understood some, yay!

~gkw said...

LOL, I can't wait to try retirement. I'd like to try it in my 40's.... think that's possible???

Youth is wasted on young people... I'd like to retire while I'm young enough to enjoy it!

RED MOJO said...

Very cute. I'm cut out for retirement too. I just can't do it for many many years. I'm not sure that's enough manys.

tsduff said...

Tai - I like them too - too bad I was just kidding about retirement. :(

Tom - it IS an oxymoron - (dang, I was trying to remember that word a few days ago). For me it might be an impossibility as I think I will have to work until I'm at least 99 - just to pay my mortgage!

Photowannabe - but hon - I thought you ARE retired! (You lucky gal you) Your fabulous pictures show the extra care and time you have to put into them...

Ariel - Don't make me laugh! Sometimes your understandings and particular brand of humor outdistances even the best of us all :)

~GKW - HEAR HEAR!!!! I heartily agree - once I went to Albania, and saw a whole bunch of elders at Heathrow airport at our stopover who were so creaky and slow that they could barely make the trip. One old guy said almost exactly the same thing: that travel is wasted on the young... by the time you can afford it, you can't DO it! Make a way.

Red - yes - ~sigh~ make that many manys for me too.

Anonymous said...

HAHHAAA, love the saying at the end ;)

Top cat said...

lol I love these, thanks for the laughs terry and for the spiritual words.
tc

Doug said...

Funny then thoughtful. I sense a trap.

Vikingisson said...

I tried semi retirement but the taxman wouldn't let me rest.

So if I'm an IT manager, how much work can a network work if a network could net work?

Nessa said...

I'd be perfect for retirement, too.

I always believed your closing thought.

And I can't tell you how much I appreciated your comment on my 2006 NaNoWriMo Novel. Thank you!

Jamie Dawn said...

I enjoyed all of those.
Work vs No Work....
No work wins, as long as there's money in the bank.
:-)

javajazz said...

i love that! all these ever so clever
funnies and then, just when i'm
feeling all light and happy go lucky,
wham! comes the heavy spiritual
message of the day.
nice combo, man.
love the delicate blend.

hey, hows your quest
for turkey going? xo

dandjschoch said...

Oh man, can you see my eyes rolling and groans issuing at the punniness?

I like the lumberjack one, it reminds me of something..... high heels...women's clothing...:)

david mcmahon said...

I'm shy and retiring by nature too. Must take your terrific advice!!!

tsduff said...

Annonymous: yes, that saying at the end needed a bit of figuring out.

TC - You always have a laugh for me on Fridays, so time to return the favor :) Oh, and I do hope you and the missus are feeling a bit less shell shocked today. Hang in there.

Doug - A beagle can never simply accept things as is... must sniff out the truth!

HA HA Vikingisson: Do you perchance also know anything about chucking wood?

Nessa - Yes - indeed the NaNoWriMo 2006 writing was excellent. Now what do I have to do to read the 2007??? Help me out here.

JD - I vote for no work. But why oh why does that pesky little detail (as long as there is money in the bank) run the entire show?

Lucy, what is it lately with me erasing/eradicating/disappearing/evevaporating/vanishing my comments? I swear, I copied it and everything as I was writing them all above, and then blam. One little lapse and over to another blog... and wham, all 10 comments carefully thought of and typed were simply GONE. Grrrrrrr.

Mission accomplished on the quest for turkey... giant fresh (not frozen) Butterball sits in the icebox awaiting its certain fate. Organic turkey wouldn't grow that big so no deal.

Jules - oh no, you've put such a clear image in my brain - my bro in law strutting along in high heels and uh, er, well, you know the rest. Nice ear worm of the lumberjack song - thanks.

David - Hello and welcome aboard. Are you enjoying your spring down under? You don't seem shy and retiring to me ;)

SOe said...

Ha, ha, ha, hi, hi, hi, ho, ho, ho! This is so funny! Great!

Nessa said...

Merry Belated Turkey Holiday. Come see my gobbler.

I have to finish NaNo 2007 first, then we'll talk.